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My new blog.

Not much a fan of FB anymore, but I do miss blogging. Here is my recent serious attempt to cover recent exploits:


Rather Proustian meme.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Together with Corey forever, in a house in the hills overlooking the Pacific, with time to travel together without stress; Julia gone forever; me with a book contract, a wooden porch with awnings and swings, and lots of room for the cats.

2. What is your greatest fear?
That I will lose what I love most and have worked hardest for.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Lack of control; paranoia.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Passive aggressiveness.

5. Which living person do you most admire?
My friend Sarah Broecker.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

7. What is your current state of mind?
Panic, followed by apathy. Worry.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
? I think they're all pretty vital.

9. On what occasion do you lie?
I'd say to avoid hurting someone unnecessarily.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My hair.

11. Which living person do you most despise?
Julia Jacyno.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Confidence. Followed closely by brooding self-knowledge, and adventurousness.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Honesty. And also kindness.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Seriously. Get real. Crazy.

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Corey Tolliver.

16. When and where were you happiest?
Freshman year, Wellesley College.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?
To bullshit; really, a poker face would come in really handy right now. Oh, and mathematical savvy would be nice, too.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My inability to sink wholeheartedly into something and finish it.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Wooing Corey. Oh, and my MFA (pending).

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
Tombraider. Seeing the world in tip-top shape, discovering lost cities and dinosaurs, and coming home again to a palatial mansion? Bring it.

21. Where would you most like to live?
I'm pretty happy in the Pacific Northwest; hmm, Ireland would be nice. Maybe a summer home in Sicily.

22. What is your most treasured possession?
My teddy bear. My favorite books. Oh, and my laptop.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Assigning yourself writing days and then not fucking writing. Looking at someone you love and knowing you will outlive them.

24. What is your favorite occupation?
Corey. Oh, and writing. Theoretically.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?
I'm mostly cheerful except when I'm being paranoid. And I have a strange talent for matchmaking.

26. What do you most value in your friends?
Their tolerance of my obsession and willingness to comfort me in distress.

27. Who are your favorite writers?
At the moment, Bellamy, Prevallet, Dickinson, Springsteen, Irving, Carolyn Zaikowski and Akhila Jagdish.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?
Donna Tartt; Dodie Bellamy; Selah Saterstrom.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Emily Dickinson; close second, Mary Shelley

30. Who are your heroes in real life?
Dodie Bellamy; Kristin Prevallet; Corey Tolliver; and Kim Damio.

31. What are your favorite names?
Ethan; Carter; Gabriel; Valentine; Carmine; Zoey; Avery.

32. What is it that you most dislike?
Being Anxious about the future.

33. What is your greatest regret?
That I have not yet written anything I really like.

34. How would you like to die?
At the same time as my love.

35. What is your motto?
Don't be afraid to pursue what you love.

Mar. 27th, 2010

I don't understand him. He won't tell me what's wrong, and he thinks it is ridiculous that his depression/bad mood/whatever he wants to call this funk is affecting me in any way. I'm sorry, but that's idiotic. Of course it affects me.

I've shut off my phone. I want him to know what it feels like not to know what I'm thinking/feeling and to not be able to get in touch with me. If he actually cares about me so much.

He keeps saying that he's tired of torturing me. Yet he refuses to tell me what's bothering him when he's having a bad day, when I know it has something to do with work, and at the end of a week in which his ex came knocking at his door and he had us get down on the floor and hide from her rather than deal with it like an adult.

I am so confused and upset and I am afraid that he is going to just...let me go, rather than deal with things, rather than do the things that will allow us to grow together.

Maybe I am blowing things out of proportion. Maybe it is really just that he is having a "bad day." But I don't think so. He is such a drama queen! I am too, but at least I admit it!

I have no clue what is going through his mind, but I know it "has nothing to do with" me. Insofar as, if he was thinking about me as a longterm life partner, he would rethink how he is handling this nonsense. I just want to help, and I can't, because I have no idea what is going on and I feel guilty for even wanting to see my boyfriend on the weekend. Yeah, that's healthy.

I am depressed and scared and feeling just like October again. And my thesis is due April 12.

Oh boy.

The View from Here

Oh yeah...

...in case you couldn't tell, I'm back.

trying a cut

this is what I have so far.

Heritage Read more...Collapse )

Help me play Bite fight...

Phase 1.5 of Community Manifesto

Recently I've been given an opportunity to 'test drive' my charity project, in the guise of a small reading. I'm gathering folks for it now. Here's what I sent out to a few chosen writers, artists, and performers. If you are in Portland and would like to be a part of this, please let me know.

Read more...Collapse )

AG's biography

holy hell it's never taken me so long to read a friggin' bio. I am on page 329 and I still have about half the book left!!! WTF, man, WTF.

I'm suddenly itching to take photos, but I'm so bad it's not even worth it. Where's my camera?


12pm: Mystery Chicken day :p

2pm: registering for class!!! *hopes nothing goes wrong*

5pm: dinner with T
8pm: live Irish music!!!

T'will be a good day if I can keep myself from writhing in anxiety. *wills time to hurry up, omg*

I had an odd night and woke unable to turn my head. Yowch.

Bunny is the quintessential "Smelly Cat" I'm sure you wanted to know this.

12pm: Burgers at the Marriott
2pm: registered for class! yay! I got the collaborations class and the 10 women poets class. I also ordered all my books online via amazon. I hope they get here by Monday *coughcough*